8 Webster Avenue Hanover New Hampshire

A Hollywood Story - December 2006
by Bob Levine '01

In the fall of 1999, the Zeta Psi class of 2001 made one of their most horrendous mistakes to date by electing Matt "Baloo" Kuhn '01, Bob "Molson" Levine '01 and Ryan "Slider" Krauch '01 as their Phi, Alpha Phi, and Sigma Rho respectively. Fortunately, this blunder was forgotten shortly thereafter when the class of 2001 made a slightly larger error involving some sort of newsletter.

In December of 2006, these three great men were reunited when Molson (named for his passion for fine, Canadian brew) set off on a cross-country excursion from Washington, DC to Los Angeles to visit his long-lost brethren, Baloo (named after the equally hirsute Disney bear), and Slider (named after the Top Gun character who shares his penchant for playing volleyball shirtless while watching himself flex).

  Hollywood

Such a visit would normally be decidedly un-newsworthy. However, since we didn't want to be left out of the annals of Zete history, this was the best we could come up with. Molson, a strikingly handsome Museologist (a word he made up), set forth with his wife on one of Boeing's finest 757s and did not stop until they had touched down in sunny LA (which was surprisingly unsunny at ten o'clock at night).

Matt Slider, a highly successful businessman of some sort, retrieved them in his recently purchased Acura wagon complete with babyseat, GPS navigator, and portable pong table for those long, gridlock-filled drives to work. Upon arriving at their host's homestead, Molson and wife were soon informed that they would be staying at Slider's in-laws' residence instead since the Krauch manor had no space for visitors. Molson quickly discovered that a cardboard box in beachfront LA would sell for approximately $1.1 million.

 

At Slider's in-laws lovely abode, Molson and wife met their host's cookie-baking spouse and precocious 18-month old daughter, McKenzie. They soon noted that McKenzie's intellect had already surpassed that of her father. Using blocks, she managed to spell the word "COW" with only one minor error (she had used a blueberry instead of the "O" block, but since it was round, it was deemed "close enough").

Doogie

Her father attempted the same feat, but accidentally swallowed one of the blocks and was quickly given the Heimlich maneuver by his infant daughter. Although McKenzie herself can not become a member of our fabled fraternity, she will surely make a young Zete very happy in twenty years or so (or ten years if that brother happens to be Donnie '02). After spending some time seeing all of the important cultural institutions that Los Angeles has to offer (such as the J.P. Getty Museum and…well, that's pretty much it), Molson, Slider, and wives sallied forth to rendezvous with Baloo for the highlight of the weekend. Recently named a writer for the smash-hit, CBS sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, Baloo's very first self-penned episode was fortuitously being filmed during the weekend of Molson's visit. Slider and Molson watched as Baloo deftly handled the recording of his first show and they marveled at his ability to rein in such notable actors as Neil Patrick Harris (of Doogie Howser fame) and Alyson Hannigan (the flute girl from American Pie). When it was over, magic had been made (not stupid David Blaine magic…TV magic). After witnessing this miracle of Hollywood creation, the brothers and assorted wives and girlfriends spent the rest of the weekend drinking, eating, playing video games, and drinking. The only clue any of them had that they were not still at Dartmouth was the lack of ten feet of gray snow blanketing every inch of the earth. Finally, after awakening with a solid, but well-deserved hangover, Molson bid his farewells to his fellow '01s and returned to our nation's chilly capital where he was warmed by the memories of his weekend with his California brethren.

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